dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
