Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
