Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
