Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is my gift to your gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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