She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
