yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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