Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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