You made me cry and you don't even care
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
