Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
