Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
