Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
