She is in my trunk
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
