Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
