My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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