We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
