Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
