cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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