I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
