and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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