well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
