he told me I talked like a deaf person
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
