HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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