I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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