3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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