pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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