Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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