About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
