the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
