When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
