I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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