I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
