all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
