It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she peed on how many people?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
