So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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