He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
