i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
