You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
