he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
