The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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