My first STD was from a foam party
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
