Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
