talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning