i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm