how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How do u even exfoliate your vagina