I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
