here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
