Duck Duck Cougar?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
