Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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