I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
