Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
