Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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