do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
