my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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