I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
