Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
