So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
