He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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