btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
