i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
