There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
