i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
