The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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