He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
