It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
