Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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