He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The air taste purple.
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