she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
