My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I want a musical about memes.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
