I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
