The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
my shit smells like andre
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
