I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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