Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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