Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can I color on your dick again?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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