I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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