Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do vagina's smell?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
