i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
