Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
