one might say we're banned from that church
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
