They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
